A641.3.3.RB - Emotional Intelligence: Getting Results!_SharpMelissa

McKee et al. (2008) noted that in leadership, cognitive intelligence is not enough; emotional intelligence distinguishes great leaders from average leaders (p. 25). Goleman (2015) outlined emotional intelligence in terms of specific competencies: self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and skilled relationship. In addition to outlining the meaning of each competency, I’ve explained my place in each component.

Self-awareness

When we are self-aware, we know ourselves internally; we are emotionally aware; we know our strengths and weaknesses, and we are self-confident (Goleman, 2015). In my young adult years, I thought that I was pretty self-aware; I was a Counseling major learning about all the tools needed for self-discovery. I was emotionally conscious, and I thought I was confident. However, when I grew up, I realized that I was not as self-aware as I thought. For example, a few years ago, a friend pointed out behaviors that I was not aware; she noted that I intellectualized unpleasant emotions instead of feeling them. She also pointed out that I brushed off sadness and hurt as though I was unaffected. As one who thought I was quite self-aware, I was surprised to learn of my behaviors. Now that I am more aware of my actions, I believe that I am more self-aware; therefore, I think self-awareness is now a strength, though it was a weakness a couple of years ago. Being self-aware in my career is essential because I want to know how my disposition impacts others. I also want to be a confident worker so that I will make good career decisions and good decisions for my team.

Self-Management

Self-management keeps disruptive emotions and compulsions in check, maintains integrity, it is adaptable, focuses on achievement, takes initiative, and is optimistic (Goleman, 2015). I believe that self-management is one of my strengths. I try to manage my emotions, even when I want to lead with them. I have personally experienced and have seen the pitfalls of unmanaged emotions; unmanaged emotions do not benefit our careers or any area of our lives. As a far as adaptability is concerned, I believe I handle change well; though change can be unnerving, I try not to fight against changes that need to happen, even when there is ambiguity. This attitude helps me while working at ERAU because we are consistently in the middle of change. Adapting to change, instead of running away or fighting it, has helped me embrace changes that were eventually beneficial.

Empathy

Empathy or Social Awareness refers to sensing others’ feelings and taking active interest in others’ concerns (Goleman, 2015). I believe that empathy was a weakness, but not in the way one would think. I have lots of empathy, so much empathy that I struggled with codependency. To be clear, codependency and empathy are not the same, and all empathetic people do not battle codependency. Those who struggle with codependency:

• Seek to please others
• Have difficulty setting boundaries
• Have difficulty considering their own feelings
• Minimize their needs and maximize the needs of others
• Often experience resentment because of responding to others’ needs instead of one’s own needs  (Amodeo, 2017)

I didn’t know the difference between caring for others’ verses fixing them. I know that I am an empathetic person, but my actions and emotions were beyond empathy. Through a lot of support-group-focused recovery work, my empathy is projected in a healthy way. Career wise, I want to sense employees’ and co-workers’ feelings without crossing boundaries or losing myself in their problems.  

Still, because the line between codependency and empathy is so fine, I have to be careful. Therefore, the area of empathy is one of weakness that is strengthened every day, with a lot of intentional, hard work.

Skilled Relationships

Skilled relationships or relationship management refers to the way we develop others, inspire others, initiate change, manage conflict, and collaboration. Prior to working at ERAU, I believe that I was weak in this area. Since I did not trust others very well, I was content working on projects alone; whether projects were school or work related, I did not want to collaborate. On the surface, I did not want to collaborate because I did not trust others to do their part; however, upon deeper reflection, I learned that I did not want to collaborate because I was insecure. I feared sharing my ideas because I did not think they were good enough and I did not want to endure rejection (which was all hypothetical). Working at ERAU pulled me out of my relational shell. I was asked to join teams whose main focus was collaboration; without collaboration, we could not accomplish all of the great things we’ve done for the University. Because of these experiences, I am learning to develop others the way others developed me. I was inspired by many, and now I am learning how to inspire others. While I would not call this emotional intelligence component a strength, I do not see it as a weakness either; I am comfortable calling this component an area of growth.

Amodeo, J. (2017, November 04). Are You Codependent or Just a Caring Person? Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201711/are-you-codependent-or-just-caring-person

Goleman, D. (2015, April 21). Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved from Daniel Goleman: http://www.danielgoleman.info/daniel-goleman-how-emotionally-intelligent-are-you/

McKee, A., Boyatzis, R., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader. Boston: Harvard Business Press.